I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Randomize