I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
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i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
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We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
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