dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize