Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
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