just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
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I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
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Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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