I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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