My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize