im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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