He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
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We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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