I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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