so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
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hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
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