Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
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Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Can vaginas get frostbite?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
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The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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