Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
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I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
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Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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