im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
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