I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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