i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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