I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
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