I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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