well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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