Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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