Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
