how can u be prego again
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Randomize
