Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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