dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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