I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize