I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
ok first of all what the fuck
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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