So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize