When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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