it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
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She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
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Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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