forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
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I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
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Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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