dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
