Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize