dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize