You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
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I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
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The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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