Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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