I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize