I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
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I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
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He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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