i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize