oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
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