I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
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I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
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Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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