it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize