why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize