Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize