I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
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We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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