There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
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