Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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