we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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