If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize