saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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