Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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